Belinda, My Sweet...Sweet...Belinda

Sometimes we all go through things that are just not fun. Sometimes, I try to make funny the things that are just not fun, which is why I've decided to name my newly found friend on my lung. We'll call her Belinda, the blood clot. She's a real pain, I'll tell you, but I have so much to be grateful for. I'm grateful there are doctors who know what they are doing, tests that can detect these little "friends", modern technology that creates research and medicine to treat them, family that stay up till 3 in the morning with you at the hospital (and stock your fridge with milk, juice, bananas, cookies, and pastries!), a mother who calls 4-5 times an hour asking for updates, a sister who scratches your back for an hour, a brother who immediately starts googling P.E, stranger missionaries from the church who give you a blessing, an old friend who can relate to you, and countless prayers from everyone. I knew people loved me, but I had no idea how much. I'm frustrated because I can't run for awhile. In fact, I took Monday-Wednesday off just because of the new medicine. I started feeling okay tonight, so I did a test run. I ran from my apartment to the lounge...and immediately regretted it. I don't know if it was the pizza and ice cream I ate right before at Enrichment Night or the 30 second jogging session, but it's safe to say I'll be taking the next few days extra easy. I was reading some literature the nurses gave me on Tuesday morning before I left the Resort (hospital room) I was staying at. One of the side effects of the blood thinners is unexplained rapid weight gain. So, on top of not being able to run, I'm probably going to go crazy with thinking my waist line is increasing. I thought about starving myself, but I only lasted till 9:30 am--and I woke up at 9:20 am this morning. The only other option is to take the stairs, pray for warm weather to play with my kids outside, and cross my fingers that the doctor will tell me I can start running again next week. (And, of course, quit eating ice cream, pizza, and candy bars like I normally can when I am running 30-40 miles a week.) Anyway, Belinda is my new friend. And, since she's decided to take up camp in my body, I figure I should learn as much about her as possible. Like, I know she gets irritated when I say it's time for bed, and she'll throw tantrums in the form of flare ups in my upper back. And, when I eat too much she throws fits in my chest cavity and lower back. I'm sure we'll get along just fine when I take her on a long run next month...hopefully in the form of her being dissolved by then. It's really not the end of the world, I know, but it sure slows me down. I guess now I'll have more time to build model airplanes, take long baths, read my comic books, scrap book, write my autobiography, shop at antique and second-hand stores, embroider my kitchen towels, etc. I'm pretty sure my friends at the plasma center will miss me, but I'll catch up with them in 2-3 years when the doctor said I might be able to go back in. This is also forcing me to find another second source of income. There's only one other way I can think of to sell your body for money, but that way is a lot less safe and ten times more risky and immoral than donating plasma. Maybe the local IHOPS is still hiring for the morning shift? I'll keep you updated.

What People Collect

It's funny what people collect in their life times. Me, for example, I hate to hold onto things because I'm always thinking about moving. When I'm in one place too long, I get antsy and need a change (though moving for me is quite stressful, change is good). Sometimes just changing my room around is all I need. Sometimes changing how I organize my dish towels does the trick. And, every once in a while I need a change in how I look so I'll chop my hair really short, work out harder--or the opposite, start eating more!--or buy clothes that necessitate a new look. Why, I often like to frequent the D.I (Goodwill) or second-hand stores for retro styles or antique jewelry. Idaho Falls has a ton of second-hand stores, pawn shops, and antique stores that are full of old crap. I work in the old historic down town, and within a mile radius of our building, I think I could count a dozen and a half of these stores. I walked into one the other day with a client, and we were in garage sale heaven....well, all except the prices. I swear, if anyone pays for a Snoopy camping glass, originally from McDonald's in the 1980's, for over $8, they're going to regret it 10 seconds after purchase. Now, I'm not saying it would be a bad investment. I'm just saying that I'm glad I left the store empty-handed with the rationale that I would think about it and if it's still there this Wednesday, I MIGHT indulge a little. I used to collect a lot of Peanuts memorabilia. I still have a lot! But over the years I've been able to get rid of my duck collection, moose collection, and someday I'm sure I'll have to downsize my kitchen towel and fabric collection (that is, if I never get to the 20 or so sewing projects I have in my head.) I feel okay about my collections, because I learned from my Mother who collects dish sets. We still give her a hard time about this, but I'll tell you something, now that all her kids are moving away, it's a lot cheaper to inherit one of these sets than to go buy your own! People collect the weirdest things. From wolves, to music that has never been opened, to obsessive cleaning supplies. I've seen it all, and I must say at this point there is no surprise and no limit to what people collect.

Valentine's Day!

I'm one of those girls who loves-LOVES-Valentine's Day. This was the first year I had a date with someone very very special...and it was a hilarious day. In the past, I've always asked the guy out. I've always been one to chase the boys and ask if he would be my Valentine. But, this year, it was a mutual thing and it deserves to be blogged. (Is that a proper verb tense?)

We started by having dinner at 4 pm at a very nice and fancy restaurant. Near the waiting area was a giant bowl of jelly beans, so of course I joined the other 3 or 4 kids in scooping handfuls to take to my table. To our left was an older couple, almost as old as the couple to our right. They both looked like they might be from Florida. We ate 3 loaves of bread, and around half a stick of butter. This place was awesome (Del Frisco's) because whenever it looked like you had just a little bread left, the bread boy would be right there switching out the baskets with a new, fresh, warm loaf. We split this amazing steak and potatoes, and almost puked walking out to the car because we ate so much! It was also still bright outside when we left the restaurant. That was new for us.

We then noted that the night was still very young (5:15 pm) so we drove downtown and walked around the Cherry Creek Mall. Of course we only stopped by the cooking stores and the watch store, everything of which was over-priced (but I made a mental list of things I'm going to search for at TJ MAXX and ROSS.)

Then, we rented "Madagascar 2" from the RedBox and bought 4 bags of candy and pop. We took our movie and snacks back to his house and got doped-up on sugar while we watched our movie, after which we both crashed into a 3 1/2 hour nap/coma.

Needless to say, I had a great time. I felt like a little kid again/older retired couple. This weekend has been great. But, for real, diet starts today...or tomorrow...we also went to the grocery store yesterday and bought day-after candy on sale. (Seriously, who passes up a 4 lb. bag of Valentine day candy for 50% off? Not this girl.)

What Makes the World Go Round...

I had a really negative view on the real world and what really makes it turn. For a long time, I always thought it was money. You need money to do this, and money to do that. You need money to impress him (or her) and then you need money to keep him (or her). It was getting really draining. Living on my own has taught me: dollars in=dollars out for rent, food, utilities, etc. etc.

Well, I decided I wasn't going to take this view anymore and I've since decided that kindness makes the world go round. Really! I'm not trying to be cheesy, or greeny, or granola. Kind people real make or break it in this society. I've also learned that even if I'm homeless and begging for money and stressing over where to find my next meal, someone is always kind. The church is kind. Most people have good hearts.

I've also decided that karma, in some aspect, is real. And, if I do my part, things will just work out. How? I have no idea! But, they do for me. When I'm kind to people, and I'm talking the genuine, I-want-to-get-to-know-you kind, people respond positively. Things work out.

So, call it what you want to. Love makes the world go round. Genuine people make the world go round. Kindness makes the world go round. Honesty really helps. Last I checked, you can't buy any of those with money.

Kids These Days

I love my job. Have I mentioned that before? Well, I love working with the kids. The few times the adults don't cancel, they are rather enjoyable as well. But, the kids make this job for me. They love unconditionally, they are always optimistic, and they love to play. Last week, one of my client's has a younger sister, let's call her "Julie", who is about seven or eight years old. She asked me my first week if I could be her PSR worker, and I wanted to say YES! but I told her maybe down the road.

Her sister is very fun as well, and sometimes their mom let's me take both girls to go play and do other activities. Well, the other night, "Julie" didn't want me to leave but it was getting late. She proceeded to ask me what my plans for next Friday were, and if I was free, I could come babysit her and her siblings. I was dying inside! I wanted to laugh, but somewhere inside her I could tell she was serious, and hopeful. Her little invitation melted my heart and is making this -10 degree weather not seem so bad. (And litterally, my face is frozen because it was 2 degrees when I walked outside the gym to my car tonight!)

I can't wait to have kids. More so, I can wait, but I can't wait to go to work tomorrow. If only I could talk some of the adults into playing hide-n-go-seek tag or finger painting, or trying on tacky clothing at the D.I!

A Few Things I Know

1) I need people in my life! I was feeling lonely this morning, so I went into work early. From 10 am till 830 pm I was surrounded by people! It was so fun, and the more I learn the ropes to my job and such, the more I realize how lucky I am. I'm getting paid to hang out with people and help them. When I hear their problems, mine seem so small. I'm grateful for what I have and for everything I've been given. I sure do have it easy. And, did I mention how lucky I am to get paid to hang out with people?!

2) Wells Fargo is the best bank in the nation. Okay, so I've only banked with 3 banks in my whole life; one was bought, one went out of business, and one is staying strong, serving across the nation, and is buying other banks! And, the lady who works at the W.F on Hitt Road rocks my world! She's like an awesome aunt, or grandmother!

3) Sometimes, having pizza 4 nights in a row is okay. It's fast, easy, full of calories (and I need the calories right now! Work takes a lot out of a woman!) and it is d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s!

4) After being away from my home all day, seriously all day, I love coming back to a clean, warm home. I think spending a Saturday or Sunday lounging around is exactly what I'll need after a long week.

5) I don't need to run 9 miles to get runner's high. I ran 4 the other night and never felt better! I swear, exercise heals. I would be interested in researching if humor and exercise have similar effects on illnesses (mental and physical.)

6) I love my family more than anything I can describe! They have listened to every single one of my plans, and then more ideas, my complaints, my joys, they've heard my tears, and they still make me feel normal! Sometimes I think I'm crazy for having such a hard time with this new chapter, but talking to them makes me realize that I'm going to be okay, I'm not crazy, and "this too, shall pass"!

7) Life is everything. It's exciting, it's scary, it's up and it's down, it's hot and cold, it's thrilling and it's boring. But mostly, it's what you make it. So, I've decided to make it a good one! There's got to be something great to every day. (Like today: we played hide-n-go-seek tag in the office because it was too cold and snowy outside to play; I got paid to paint a picture of the beach; I had pizza with a friend; the list goes on!)

8) All that's left to do is "Carry on, wayward son; For there'll be peace when you are done". Kansas knew this whole time.

Smile, Cuz' at Least We Have Today.

January 4th, 2009. I started off this year with a lot of hope; I was so excited to see what this year would bring. Right now, I'm finding a little stress, a lot more anxiety than silly exams could ever bring, and a loss of words for how a certain situation unfolded. I can't say much about the situation, or the person, but I can keep my own confidentiallity, well...not confidential at all. I'm the most broken I've ever been. And, it couldn't be more hilarious. I can't wait for the sun to shine a little brighter, for the temperature to warm up, and to find some new love this year. I don't know if it will be a new love for myself? For someone else? Or for something? I've been thinking I'd love to try new extreme activities like skydiving, surfing, swimming with sharks, heli-snowboarding, going to a movie by myself...maybe not this last one.

I heard of a talk given in church in which the speaker was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up. His reply was simply, "I want to be happy when I grow up." I've decided I want to be happy when I grow up, which means I have to start practicing now! A good friend of mine recently gave me a book for Chritstmas, "What Happy People Know". At first, I thought, gosh, does she think I'm really depressed? Has it really shown? But then I thought, wow. This friend really knows me and really cares about me. She has read her book (I think she said) 14 times. I'm only through the first chapter, but I'm excited to read more.

All in all, I think happy people pretty much know that no one can make you happy but yourself. I would like to make other people happy. Hell! I would like other people to make me happy! But, we can only control ourselves, our reactions, and only we can make up our minds. Someone once said, "You are as happy as you make up your mind to be." Yeah, pretty true.