Saturday, October 18, 2008

Economy 101

I don't really get how the world works. It's a wonder to me that people eat every day let alone sleep at night with this flailing economy. I always figured it was like calories and losing weight; calories in and calories out, that's how you solved that problem. Well, in the economy, it's like losing debt; money in and money out. I suppose some day we won't really use the monetary system anymore and we'll all go back to trading and bartering. What my neighbor can offer me compared what I can offer my neighbor.

If I were teaching Economy 101, I would tell students to just ban money today. Quit going to the banks. Invest any money you have now into a nice home garden, maybe even save a couple hundred under your matress for emergencies. Just like in the 1930's. I would advise them to learn how to sew...then again knowing how to sew is one thing. Being able to afford the sewing machine, fabric, and other materials, is another thing and doesn't do much good if you don't have money to buy it....but oh yeah, I just advised all the students to have home gardens so they could trade peas and corn for fleece and thread.

The only other thing I've heard that is sure to boost our economy, is BUY, BUY, BUY. In order to be a contributing American I've decided to BUY. It doesn't matter what, just BUY. So, I bought "Nacho Libre" for $4, Horkley's 44 oz. soda every Wednesday, I go golfing twice a week, I blew $11.50 at the dollar store, online shopping counts, right?, and every time a new candy bar comes out, I pick up a few to test them out. How do I afford all this mindless spending? one asks. Three words: Paid Plasma Donations.

Donating plasma is like my cool, fulfilling, part-time job. It's cool because you get paid in cash every time you go (nope, they don't take out taxes. Come on! It's a donation!) It's fulfilling because apparently (and ask a doctor for more serious/accurate details) plasma saves lives...lots of lives. It's like a blood donation or an IV of liquids and protein. Basically my plasma money is my fun money. Donating plasma does more than save lives, it supports the economy. Here is a place where you go put in your 4-6 hours per week, walk out with $60-IN CASH- and because cash seems to burn holes in American's pockets, it is spent faster than an informercial can add, "But wait, if you call in the next 10 minutes, we'll throw in 3 free SHAM WOWS!!!"

(ps I seriously need to start going to bed before 2 am, because the only thing that's stopping me from buying a SHAM WOW is my lack of credit card possession!)

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