Monday, July 21, 2008

How to Drink Alone (an msn.com bit)

I fell upon this article written by Tom Chiarella from msn.com's website. He writes on how there is an art to drinking alone and procedes to list the advice. I don't know why I think this is so funny, but it strikes a chord with me. It's like when you see someone at a restaraunt or a movie by themselves and you feel bad; like you should get up and go sit next to him/her but you're not sure if that will embarrass them more, if they even want company, or what not. Maybe there are tips on "How to Eat Alone (at a nice, fancy sit-down restaurant)" or "How to Watch a Movie Alone (at a real theater)". Thanks MSN.com, for keeping it real...

Don’t use it as a warm-up. It’s a prelude to nothing. Drinking alone must be an event unto itself. It’s never about getting sloppy, or lucky, or even happy. Beginning and end, make it a choice. A gift, not an escape. It’s about raising your awareness, not dulling it. Be neat, small of affect, businesslike.
Start in the afternoon.
2:30 is universally a good time, since the bar will be empty, the bartender busy stocking the coolers, wiping down bottles.
Forget bar chatter, since it’s about drifting, forgetting, passing time without noticing. Instead, quietly pay attention.
Drink liquor — whiskey.
Get a beer back, if you must. Gin is acceptable too, but don’t put anything sweet in it.
Ignore the television.
• Listen a little.
Enjoy the muffled aural measures of a bar waking up. Watch the door or the window instead. Draw connections to the world outside, even as it recedes slightly from perception. Notice the angles of light, the pulse of the traffic, even the evolution of customers who drift in as the day twists down to its nub.
Read a paper, sure. A book is good too. Crack the spine and lay it flat on the bar. Read, don’t pretend to read.
Don’t eat. Drinking alone is not about buffalo wings.
Look up often.
Jukeboxes are an acceptable diversion, though don’t ever select Cat Stevens when drinking alone.
If a friend happens in, do not demur. Instead, take it as an irrefutable signal that the meditative event of drinking alone is over. You aren’t alone anymore. Buy him a drink and, after a reasonable juncture, leave. Give him what you came in for. A little solitude, with liquor. There’s no shame in it.

3 comments:

kay.tee. said...

Ha ha ha ha ha that has got to be the funniest thing I've read all week! I especially liked this tip

• Don’t eat. Drinking alone is not about buffalo wings.

So so so true. So I wonder what IS about buffalo wings?

Jessie Mae said...

So if I ever take up the bottle then I will try to remember this article....

dlux said...

you make me laugh. I love your blog. i am tagging you though. read my blog to find out what that means.

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